Where to Turn in Times of Trouble

All you have to do is whatever it takes.

—Scrubs

This is going to be a toughie. It's something on my mind, but it's difficult to address such in a way that everyone will be able to benefit from it. In case you haven't guessed, I really want everyone to be able to walk away from these posts with an idea on how to make their life better. However, not everyone can turn to the same sources for help in times of trouble. So I'm going to offer everywhere I can think of, and maybe you'll find one that fits you.

Disclaimer: not all of these are going to fit everyone. You don't have to agree with everything I say, and you can mix to match. Just find something that works for you. Maybe you'll find a few somethings.

One: Turn to what you love. When things get hard, sometimes the answer is not to immediately face it with intent to destroy. Sometimes we aren't ready for that. No, instead we need to get away from it, and turn to a source that will leave us calm, reasonable, and thinking clearly. One such example in my life is the piano. When I play, I feel completely at ease. I can feel comfort and allow my thoughts to fall into abstraction while I focus on the notes. Another place is a good book. If you like reading adventure/fiction, you can turn to a story about a hero you admire. Strength can falter at times, but you will be amazed at the courage you can find when following the example of a fictional character.

Do you like to sing, dance, photograph, play an instrument, cook, ride your bike, jog, study, draw, paint, work out, listen to [wholesome, no metal or agitating] music, or take naps? Everyone can find something. For goodness sake, go play some Solitaire.

You'll be surprised by how soothing cleaning the house or doing dishes can be.

Remember: some habits are bad. Find hobbies, not addictions. You want your escape to be something that is at least mildly productive. Avoid shopping, drugs, or things like video games, where you can loose track of time. Pick something that will quickly calm you, and allow you to get back to work in a timely matter, with your mind in tack and your wallet safe.

Two: Turn to gratitude, aka, count your blessings. Recognize that your struggles could always be worse, so you can be grateful for your lot. If we could all dump our problems out for everyone else to see, you would grab your own pile back. Quickly.

Can't think of anything to be grateful for? Pick one: your house, your pet, your kids/parents, your talents, the weather, the flowers, your phone, your privacy, your memory, your life, your independence. The lists could go forever, yet you will find that yours is unique to you. You're an individual, with 100% your own life, even if your options are limited. That makes you utterly different from everyone else. Be grateful for that.

Three: Turn to God. Do you believe in something? Treasure it. If you don't believe in anything, not even yourself, you'd better pick something quick. That doesn't mean you have to go join a congregation somewhere or anything like that, you but have to have something, or there is...nothing. If you think everything is a false hope, what does it matter? False hope is still an awful lot nicer than true despair. Particularly because despair is a choice, not a fact. If there is one thing that is utterly imaginary, it is despair. Don't fall into that trap. If everything in the world is imaginary, I chose to utilize the things which will make me happy, not miserable.

For the faithful, the spirit of peace is never far away. You can always turn to God, or gods, and find peace. You've done it before. Pondering is not as hard as it may seem in a time when everything is falling apart. To turn to God is actually the easiest option when all else has failed you. He will comfort you.

Four: Turn forward. Face your problems head-on, with the intent to destroy. Your problems are under your control. Throw it down a chute and move on. Sometimes reverse psychology is a miracle: fight anger toward another by giving them a compliment. Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for your enemy to die. Don't think that just because you're not being the powerful one, you didn't win the race. You are the winner when you can put your weakness on the back burner for a time. You are the winner when you trudge ahead even though nothing is better than it was before. You are the winner when you've resolved to leave a lost cause behind, and not let it hinder your progress. You are the winner when you are happy.

It's all up to you. It's not as hard as it seems, but it does take action. So act.

***

What do you think? Have any other ideas? Most importantly, what's worked for you? Remember that you are the maker of your own destiny. You can choose happiness and peace, or misery and chaos. It may not seem like it, but it really is that simple.

Roads Less Traveled

Not all those who wander are lost.

—JRR Tolkien

Ever wondered why the apparently 'less traveled' road is the road to pick? Well, at least according to Robert-Frost. Maybe—if you read the whole poem, you might find a different meaning all together. But the concept I want to focus on is the one we often interpret in this poem—that taking a road less traveled apparently changes lives in a more positive way than taking a well-worn path. It's a concept I believe in (even though that might be contraditing Frost's actual point). So why does it work?

Well, the starter question is this: why is one road less traveled than the other? If we interpret the roads as pathways in life, we all consider our own road unique, or 'the one less traveled'. But take a closer look—and you will find that the roads that are the most unique, the ones that truly are less traveled, are the ones that are hard.

Not the unavoidably hard, the voluntarily hard. Ever chosen the hard road before? Maybe you have, maybe you haven't, but there is a universal truth about those roads—they are always the most rewarding. Why do you think?

We know that our problems, our struggles, our trials, our difficulties are what have shaped us into who we are today. It makes sense then that these same things that shape us most profoundly also develop our character most profoundly. With a good sense of our character, of who we are, comes confidence that isn't just inwardly felt, but outwardly expressed.

So go on—take the easy road. But you may discover that at the end of it, you still don't know who you are. Take the road less traveled and you will find that, while much more difficult, while longer, while darker in the moment, you will look back and be grateful you did.

How to distinguish these roads is a most intriguing concept. Interestingly, some people say that because of things like addictions or choices to follow gangs, they have experienced the hardest of roads. Take careful note: those who fall into a pit like that weren't the strong ones. The strong ones are the ones who withstood it from the very beginning, withstood it again and again and again, while the alcoholic gave into it again and again and again. You don't have to put yourself in a bad situation and then fight your way out of it in order to say you took the hard route. In fact, that's a terrible idea. Rather, withstand the temptation to do the things that you know are wrong, that you know tie you down, or that prick your conscience. To do that shows the greatest strength, and will bring forth the most delicious fruits.

Have you fallen? Are you stuck deeper into something than you ever thought you would be? Well you can still choose to change your path. Contrary to popular belief, you were not Born-This-Way. That's a complete lie. You always have control over who you are, and you can override your mistakes anytime. Who you are has nothing to do with who you can be. If you can't believe that, you've fallen even farther than you realize.

Don't give in to the temptation to sit back and let life come at you. You're in control! You're better than that!

This road is the hard path. There aren't a lot of friends on it. Most of the world may be against you, as a matter of fact. That's what makes it so uncommon. But you're good enough to reach above the rest and fly into the face of adversity. You have been prepared. Every experience thus far has merely been a preparation for the next one.

Be better than your enemies, it's as simple as that. Be the selfless one, the optimistic one, the happy one. Be the person that makes you confident, even when everyone around you is jeering. Do what you do for the right reasons and you won't find yourself under a bridge.

***

Whatever you may do, you're not the only one. Someone else is or has fought your battle, and someone has come out of it on top. You can do it too. Be courageous and have hope. Things are never as bad as they may seem. It's all one great adventure! Don't let it slip by while you stand idle. Don't waste it! YOLO.

Light!

Some believe that it is only great power that can hold evil in check. But that is not what I've found. I found it is the small things. Every day deeds by ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay.

—Gandalf

The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass. What was, what will be, and what is, may yet fall under the Shadow.

Let the Dragon ride again on the winds of time.

—Robert Jordan

I don't want you to hit that little red X in the corner or remove the bookmark on this page, but I have a confession. I like reading nerdy things.

I'm not going to go delving into any of them, because there are an awful lot of people in this world that would find that to be a bore. So don't worry. But I do have a word of advice: try it. Try the things you've once thought to be nerdy. It won't make you a permanent nerd—stereotypes are the biggest understatement known to man—and it's amazing what kinds of life lessons you can learn from them. I saw it on Facebook first: I've learned so much from the people who never existed.

(But to the proud nerds out there reading this, posted on the first Monday after the release of A Memory of Light, yes. This is my [rather unusual] Tribute to an ending.)

Feel free to laugh at the parallels you find.

Light is a peculiar thing, and it is one of my most favorite topics. This partly has to do with the fact that I adore studying conceptual physics. I love Einstein's gedanken experiments. Light is, perhaps, the most fundamental thing in the universe. Light is also the only thing in the world—that I know of, please don't take my word as gospel or rant if it's incorrect—that cannot be contended by it's opposite. Where light resides, there simply cannot be darkness. Darkness can't even try to put up a fight.

So what can be learned from this peculiar thing, light? Blunt Answer: More than you or I can even comprehend. If you think light is just light, you are wrong. I'm going to stay on the shallow end of things, where most of us can comprehend the answers in a few paragraphs, but I must make it known: Light is the greatest force in the universe.

I might be going just a little too far for the physics folks if I say this, and I am definitely not a physicist, but: light is the unifying force in all things. (Go at it, experimentalists!)

Try this one on for size: without light, the universe simply would not exist. Looking at the light-bulb in your ceiling, you probably couldn't tell that. But it's true.

The kind of light I'm talking about is indeed physical light, but I want to address it in it's metaphorical form as well. Light is a representation of several things, but at it's core it is Truth. Encompassed therein are Knowledge, as well as Wisdom, as well as undiluted Purity, as well as perfect Love. This is Light.

All persons have Light. Even the ones we don't think could possibly have any, they have it. Light is a quantity, and some of us will have more than others. You know it because you can see it. You can see it with your eyes. It doesn't register as physical light, but your heart knows what it is, and it will tell you when it sees it.

Trust your intuition. It sees Light.

In the world, good things happen in light places. Good things happen publicly. Good people operate under a glass roof, where their works can be seen as honest.

The forces of evil operate in darkness. They hide their hearts from others. They creep in the shadows and stalk where they can't be seen. When they must go into the light, they put on a façade and pretend they are transparent, then run away and lock themselves behind closed doors. They may speak words of light, but you will know the truth, for they do their deeds in the darkness. And they are Dark.

The world contains both the good and the bad. Should we destroy the possibility of the bad? Make the world purely, completely, good? It would seem that our goal is to defy the darkness in all ways we can, to beat that animal part inside us and prove that we are in control of our own bodies. If we could completely obliterate the darkness, and any chance that we could ever be turned by that darkness, wouldn't the world be a better place?

No. A world without Dark does not make it Light. It makes it nothing. It makes the people in it pawns, just as the darkness makes people into pawns. We must be able to chose between these forces for ourselves.

If there is one thing you should take away here, it is this: While Light is the most desirable, and Dark the most repulsive, these things cannot exist without the other. If we never knew Dark, we could not comprehend Light. So while we strive to stay as close to those things that are light, and we can fight against those things that are dark, remember that the struggle is a necessary one, and an eternal one.

Don't lose Hope. If you could destroy Dark, Light would cease to be Light. So, really, the world we have—where both exist and we have the power to chose between them, appreciating the light because we've been in the dark—is the best thing there is. Take heart and rejoice!

To the Christians:

It is true: We have each been tainted, and we don't have the complete power to deny the Dark. It has already come upon us, through to Fall of Adam. So aren't we lucky that it can be removed through the sacrifice of the Savior? We just have to take His name upon us, and do as He would have us do. We can recognize it just as we recognize Light. Through our spiritual eyes.

***

(spoiler for A Memory of Light, final book of The Wheel of Time)

HERE IS THE TRUTH. . .YOU CANNOT WIN UNLESS WE GIVE UP. THAT'S IT, ISN'T IT? THIS FIGHT ISN'T ABOUT A VICTORY IN BATTLE. TAKING ME...IT WAS NEVER ABOUT BEATING ME. IT WAS ABOUT BREAKING ME.

THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE TRIED TO DO WITH ALL OF US. IT'S WHY AT TIMES YOU TRIED TO HAVE US KILLED, WHILE OTHER TIMES YOU DIDN'T SEEM TO CARE. YOU WIN WHEN YOU BREAK US. BUT YOU HAVEN'T. YOU CAN'T.

Our agency to act is ours. And Darkness can win only when we give up...when it convinces us that we've fallen so far that we cannot be redeemed. That is a lie. You have never fallen so far as to not be able to pick yourself up, even if it takes time, and healing, and help.
So don't give up.

(Another spoiler)

That one you have tried to kill many times, that one who lost his kingdom, that one from whom you took everything...that man. That man still fights!

Thank you, Team Jordan, for everything you have done.

The Power of Optimism

You're off to great places,

Today is your day.

You're mountain is waiting,

So get on your way.

—Dr. Seuss

Whether you know it or not, as a good person, you put heavy reliance on three simple concepts: Faith, Hope, and Charity.

If you haven't ever thought about that concept before, consider it now: In life, you want to believe in something as it stands, you want to hope for something that may yet come, and you want to be loving towards all mankind, if only because everyone, no matter who they are, deserves to be happy in this life for whatever small moment you can give them.

You may have never thought about that last one until now. If you're thinking Wow, I totally don't fill that last qualification. I must not be a good person, you can stop right there. You may not consciously think of yourself as charitable, but I promise that you are. Have you said thank you to someone, or given them a Christmas card, or offered them your food, or helped them with a chore or assignment, or smiled at a stranger as you passed them by? Charity is not an overwhelmingly righteous concept. We use it every day, we just don't always recognize it.

With that in mind, I want to talk about Optimism. You will all fill this quota to some level, but I suspect that some people will recognize that they have a bit of a harder time with it than others. Do you struggle to believe in something you can't see, even if you want to? Do you avoid having goals and aspirations of wonderful things simply because you're not good enough for that, or maybe because you don't consider yourself worthy of it? Do you get easily exasperated with all the stupid people around you?

Hmm. You should work on that.

I struggle with all of these at times, and because I have felt them and overcome them, I know that others can do the same. And I am going to show you the secret to doing it.

The secret is this: Understanding.

Isn't it incredible that all you need to be an optimist is to understand that there really, truly, are reasons to be optimistic? Look at the world around you: do you see an ugly place, or a beautiful place? Of course there is ugliness there, but the world is incredibly beautiful. We can create life! The general humanity and intelligence of our race is unbelievably beautiful. The fact that while animals have remained in their carnal states, we have been able to slowly but surely untangle the mysteries of the universe is beautiful. How wonderful it is that we can learn almost everything about the world we live on just by looking at it! Studying it!

And think of the person nearest to your heart at this very moment. What is beautiful about them? On the inside, on the outside, in the way they speak or smile. Recognize that there are millions of people around the world that share many of their purest qualities. So why on earth can't we be optimistic, and believe that the future of the world is led by people just like the ones we love?

Life gets boring. Dull. Then hard. Without warning: tragic. “Troubles we all have, but...discouragement...is not in the trouble, it is in us.” 1. Sometimes, we are just having a bad day.

But tomorrow will be better! So even the bad days can be founded in Optimism.

Remember: Progression is the key to a happy life. If you aren't moving forward, you can be sure you're falling back. What can you do today that will make you a more faithful, hopeful, charitable, and optimistic person? What have you already done today that deserves a pat on the back? If you can't think of anything, you aren't thinking hard enough. After all, I suspect you got out of bed at some point, even if you're back in it right now.

Optimism needs nourishment, which comes in the form of the three things mentioned at the beginning of this post. Faith, Hope, and Charity also imply that other key we were talking about: Progression. You can't have Faith if you aren't thinking about something. You can't have Hope if you aren't working toward something. You can't have Charity if you aren't out there doing something.

After all, you don't climb a mountain just to sit at the top. You look for bigger and better mountains to climb. So if you're not climbing, you're not where you need to be. Faith, Hope and Charity are your supplies. And the trip is so much more beautiful when you can look at it with the refined eye of an optimist.

***

What do you think? Are you ready to commit yourself to a change? Remember that if you're not conscious of the good things in life, it's really easy to return to that person you didn't want to be. There are a lot of great ideas out there for changing your outlook: Look at life as though you had a bucket, and each marginally good thing you do is a Drop of Awesome. Buy an electronic counter and keep it in your pocket, then click it every time you have a good thought about someone, including yourself. Or, just make up your own.