—Edward Everett Hale
Psychologists have drawn out a
specific way and order to how we as people grow. These are knows as
Erikson's-Stages-of-Psychosocial-Development,
after the guy that formed it. Follow the link to see the in-depth
Wikipedia description of these stages, but I'll give a brief overview
here:
From ages 0-2, we learn to either trust
or mistrust the world around us. At 2-4 years, we begin to form our
sense of self, followed by learning to act and make decisions based
on only ourselves, not what others tell us to do. At 5-12 years, we
start trying to make ourselves a part of society—we see if we can
make it in the world. At 13-19, we form our identity, and 20-24 we
learn intimacy. From the large gap of ages 25-65, we start trying to
make a difference in the world—leave the world a better place since
we're past our prime and facing the reality of leaving it. This is
called Generativity vs. Stagnation. Last is until death, Ego
Integrity vs. Despair, where we come to terms with who we were, and who
we have been since our time is gone.
I studied this at a pretty young age,
and found that it didn't apply all that well to me, because I
completely skipped a few of the stages. I was in an awkward stage
where I failed to form my identity in my teenage years, and managed
to find myself in my young adult years. But I mostly skipped that
stage, because I did have a foundation—I knew since well before
thirteen who I was, but I didn't gain confidence in it until twenty.
I totally and completely intentionally skipped the Isolation vs.
Intimacy stage(being quite content with the Isolation side of
things), and took a head dive into what we call Generativity. Even as
a teenager, I was focused on who I would look back on myself as, and if I
could care more about others than myself.
We're all going to hit that point. And
we're going to spend a whole lot of years working through it. So, as
someone who has already started, let me inspire you to unearth Generativity,
and not Stagnation.
Dude, you have all
your life to give to the future generation. After all, they are the
ones who come after. They'll still be here when we are gone. They
need to know
everything we know, and what with the world like it is today, let's
teach them the right things!
Few others seem to
be doing it.
I felt
so pampered as a kid. Okay, well I didn't recognize it as a kid, but
I do now. I was totally
pampered. So I think it would be appropriate for me to pamper the
next generation, cause I think I turned out pretty decent.
But I get that not
everyone led the blissfully sheltered childhood that I did. For those
who suffered in their most vulnerable years, research has shown that
you tend to grow up to be like those who raised you. Be careful. I
know that what you went through was hard, but the next generation
doesn't deserve to take the loss because of it. Give them something
better than you had.
Leave
your mark. Make yourself known. It may not end up in the history
books, no one even needs to remember your name. But if you
know you made a difference, that frustrating step of Ego Integrity
vs. Despair won't come haunting you. I would like to die knowing I
did something with my
life. It doesn't have to be significant.
After all, you make
a bigger difference than you know. Random people I met on the streets
have changed me. They had no idea they did. You could be one of them.
Be the person you
would be inspired by. Show it when you leave your house. You can have
no regrets doing that.
While
you act, remember that your intentions are perhaps the most important
thing. Change the world one step at a time—but remember why
you do it.
Your reasons aren't
going to be the same as mine. I can't tell you why you will do it.
You've got to figure that one out on your own.
(If
your having difficulty with the why, reconnect with your identity.
You're why will come
from You. Who you are can become your why.)
It's not enough to be artistic or
scientific or book-smart or street-smart or creative or religious.
You've got to share that. If
you're the only one benefiting from it...where's the benefit?
To become who you want to be, be who
you want to become. It really is the only way.
Live life with an eye on the future.
Reflect on the present from a time that hasn't happened yet. What's
worth it in your life? It's a lot easier to know the answers in
hindsight.
Good thing we can fake hindsight.
Consider it. In many ways, the world is
falling apart.
We can be a piece of the solution.
***
This post doesn't talk a lot about the
why, but remember it. It's
what will keep you going when life gets you down. We can be cheery
for a while under false pretenses, but to keep it going we need
purpose. We need a why.
Don't find yourself without it right when you need it most.
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